I have always functioned that way and I have been relatively successful in doing so, although there are those moments of extreme high stress, complete with excessive hyper-ventilation, ringing in the ears, seeing spots...but it always ends at some point. I have never been exceptionally graceful, and this is just yet one more proof, that I generally always come crashing to the finish line in everything, barely intact, bloodied and bruised, with some areas of spotty memory, yet there I am, with a wink and a smile...successful in my task, though it took nothing short of an act of G-d to get me there.
I used to sometimes like to think that I approach things in such a manner, because I knew that I work well under pressure and I liked to prove it. However, on the contrary, the great irony of life is that though we like to think that we do things out of the sheer brilliance of our own understanding...I realize now, something quite the opposite. Although my method is not necessarily the most effective, and resulted in a severe diminishment of my mother's health and sanity throughout my high school years, it shows me one thing. I can do nothing in my own power, and most everything that I have accomplished has the evidence of G-d's mercy and grace all over it, because there is no way that I should have been able to accomplish it in any way, shape, or form.
And so...all that to say, I have yet another testament to G-d's overwhelming mercy. This past week has been quite the experiment in gauging how well I really have recovered from the fiasco that has been the past 2 years, and thus far I have emerged, more successful than I ever thought possible. One wonderful thing that I am involved with here on campus is the theatre department. I have loved being active in something creative again, and it has been a perfect environment for me to do so. I have always gravitated to backstage when it comes to theatre, and stage managing is something I just love to do. So, we had a performance back in March, an original play by our director, Scot Lahaie, Gloria Dei. Then, we began preparations to do 2-short one-act plays by Romanian-French playwright, Eugene Ionesco, the master of absurdity. "The Bald Soprano" and "The Lesson" are comedic works of brilliance, I'm still not sure how a mind could create such absurdity in such an intelligible (almost) way. Needless to say, due to unforeseen circumstances, the night before "The Bald Soprano" opened (last monday) we realized that one of our cast members was unable to perform...one of our male cast members. Thus, in fashion of a stage manager needing to make sure everything runs smoothly, I was nominated, to play a man, in an absurdist play, in 24 hours (which fyi, I've never acted, minor detail). Can you see the inevitable act of G-d looming on the horizon? Well, G-d was truly merciful, our director was merciful, my fellow actors were merciful and wonderful and it turned out brilliantly.
NOW, if that was not enough (some might say that I push my luck or test the edges, pulling on the reservoirs of grace as often as I do, I simply reply that I like to keep G-D on His toes, and I have to believe that He enjoys rescuing me from my pit)...We had another set of unforeseen circumstances, leading to me being in the play that takes place this week (i.e. tomorrow). However, I do get to be a woman in this one, of which I am extremely excited (not to mention thankful, as my face still has not quite recovered it's first layer of skin from the perpetual application and removal of facial hair adhesive). We are still in the polishing stage, so I'm sure I'm going to be swiping my mercy card like a teenage girl with her daddy's credit card, but thus is the love of my Heavenly Father for me.
Thus, concludes my musings on my journey through the absurd, only to find myself back where I began, with grace.
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